3 Ways to Handle a Colleague You Dislike
Working with a difficult person can be distracting and draining. Next time a colleague irritates you to no end, try these three things:
- Manage your reaction. If someone annoys you, don't focus on his behavior. Focus on how you react, which is usually the only thing you can control.
- Keep it to yourself. Emotions are contagious, so complaining about a co-worker can bring everyone down. And it can reflect negatively on you. If you must vent, do it outside the office.
- Work together. It's counterintuitive, but by spending more time together you may develop empathy for your colleague. You might discover reasons for his behavior: stress at home, pressure from his boss, etc.
If you're like most people, you're overwhelmed with how much you have to do and frustrated by all the things you can't finish. The reality is that there isn't enough time to do it all. Once you admit that, you can explicitly choose what you are going to do. Instead of letting things haphazardly fall through the cracks, you can intentionally push unimportant things aside and focus on the things that matter. Don't instantly react to the needs that land on your desk; make deliberate choices that will move you toward your goals. You also need to make conscious decisions about what not to do.
Even High Performers Need Feedback
Some managers assume their star employees don't need feedback. They're clearly doing a good job and they don't need to improve, right? Wrong. Even your top performers need input to stay engaged, focused, and motivated. Frequently give your stars both positive and negative feedback. Tell them how much you appreciate their good work. Identify and share development areas, even if there are only a few. Talk with your stars about how they might achieve the next level of performance. And, don't miss the opportunity to solicit input on how you are doing as a manager. Ask questions such as "How can I help you improve?" or "What can our organization do to support your great work?"
End a Mentoring Relationship Before It Dies
It's easy for a mentoring relationship to outlive its worth. You get into a groove, you enjoy the stimulating conversations, and you're learning. But sometimes you have to move on to move up. Set goals and assess whether you have achieved them. Once you have, it might be time to find a new mentor to help you with your next set of challenges. Thank your mentor for all her help and ask permission to use her as a reference when you're scouting for the next one. Keep in touch with your past mentors even after the relationships officially end.
Make Service Easy for Your Customers
The notion of going above and beyond customer needs is so entrenched that managers rarely question it. But delighting your customers may be a waste of time and energy. In fact, most customers just want simple, quick solutions to their problems, and your company should make that possible. Think about the service initiatives you have underway. Question whether they are focused on reducing customer effort or adding unnecessary bells and whistles. Start with frontline employees since they likely interact with customers the most. Make sure they have the skills, permission, and the incentive to reduce customer effort.
Leadership is not an innate trait that you're born with. It can be learned. The key is to practice before you have the official title. Start by focusing on the choices you make now, such as who to put on your team or what vendor to use for your project. Recognize that you likely don't know everything. Making decisions based on incomplete information is a skill that every leader must master. Once you've acted, ask yourself: Was that the right decision? Could you have done something differently? This will get you comfortable with making decisions, acting upon them, and reflecting on their outcomes. Then, learn from your inevitable mistakes. You will build knowledge and skills as you work up to the larger decisions with broader consequences that all leaders have to make.
Keep Your Cool When Getting Feedback
No one likes to hear that they aren't performing well. Yet, everyone can improve. Next time you receive constructive feedback, do these three things:
- Relax. It's understandable to be nervous during a feedback session. The other person holds all the power. Accept this imbalance and be easy on yourself.
- Expect to be surprised. You're likely to hear something that you weren't aware of. Perhaps something was a bigger deal than you thought, or something you thought was resolved wasn't.
- Don't be defensive. Even if you disagree, hold your tongue. Instead of defending yourself, ask questions. Once you've cooled down, you can always follow up.
Run a Decisive Project Meeting
To keep momentum in a project, you need to run great meetings. Make your next project meeting productive with these three guidelines:
- Restate the meeting's purpose. Even if you think everyone knows it, it helps to remind them and sharpen the group's focus.
- Include everyone. If one or two people dominate the conversation and others are shy about leaping in, draw out new people by saying, "Thanks for those ideas, Carl. What are your thoughts about this problem, Megan?"
- End well. Close the meeting with an action plan and a clear time frame. State the decisions the group has made, who owns what, and when they need to report back to the team.
Multitasking may speed you through your to-do list, but it also makes you more likely to make mistakes and less likely to retain information. Here are three ways to focus:
- Think good thoughts. Positive emotions improve the brain's executive function and encourage creative and strategic thinking. Improve your emotional balance by actively thinking about things that make you happy.
- Ban distractions. Be aware of what steals your attention. When disrupted, make a conscious choice to return to the task at hand.
- Leave things behind. When you turn to a new task, part of your brain is still thinking about the last one. Before starting something new, go for a walk, climb stairs, or do some deep breathing to clear your head.
Need a Mentor? Forget the Expert
When people early in their careers seek mentors, they often target those with a depth of experience. But experts can't teach you everything. And, often they are so far removed from your day-to-day work that they can't help you solve problems. Select at least one mentor with only a few more years of experience than you. Someone who has recently walked in your shoes can give you practical, relevant advice on the challenges you face. She may also give you insight into what's coming in your career and the types of challenges you'll be up against next.
Take Harsh Criticism in Stride
Whether it's an office rival or a well-intended colleague, someone will likely say something punitive or hurtful to you at some point in your career. When it happens, remember:
- Don't respond right away. Resist the temptation to snap back. There is no use in getting angry or creating a nasty paper trail. Take time to cool off and then reply cordially.
- Determine if you're overreacting. Ask yourself whether the comment was really that bad. Sometimes a thoughtful offer to help can seem like an insult.
- Forgive, but remember. Don't hold a grudge, but keep in mind that if you are ever asked for a reference about the person, you can give a frank answer.
Focus on a Problem, Not Your Passion
When it comes to careers, we're told to follow our passions. But you might find greater satisfaction if you work on big problems. Whether it's an issue in education, health care, climate change, poverty, or technology; figure out how you can contribute to a solution. Choose a problem that you care about — even personally — and let this dilemma be your compass. Get out of the office, meet people who are affected by the problem, and connect with those working in this area. Doing so shifts your attention from yourself to others. By becoming less focused on yourself, you might become happier with your work.
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